Stopped, but started again

Well, it has been such a long time since I've posted. Shortly after Thanksgiving, or perhaps after that next cycle didn't yield a pregnancy, I stopped fasting. It was just too painful. So close on the heels of the pain, all it did was remind me of loss, not help me to pray again for gain. I forgot about the blogging, and the fasting and praying. It wasn't until my one Christian sister Kate was over to play a board game that I was reminded...

She said, "I read your blog." and left it at that. My immediate thoughts? My blog? Oh. ...Ooohhhhh. Now she knows (about the pregnancy and miscarriage at Thanksgiving). Uummm.
Outwardly I say, "Oh? How..." trying to sound nonchalant, but probably looking a touch panicked. She answers the unfinished question, "I found it on your ravelry profile page." Ah, that. Kindly, she was discreet and said, "the part about J's underwear was my favorite" Meaning, I'm sorry for the other part. I smile a little. Those underwear are cute, after all. "Are you still fasting?" she asks. "no," I say. We leave it at that. At some later date, when we were alone, she asked me more, "you didn't tell anybody?" "No."

Well, it has inspired me to go back to fasting and praying for the Lord to bless us with another baby. Now that the worst pain is past, I can do it again. I've been at it for a whole cycle already, and am halfway through the next. Our boy J is 2-1/2. He does well with babies at church and in the family. He'd do well with a baby brother or sister.

And,

One of my other sisters had a baby boy 4 months ago. I have enjoyed holding him. When I went to visit him the first week after he was born (at home, with the same midwife I used! :) ), I thought my period might be late and confided that to her. (Turned out not, I got it the next day, which was another close-to-tears moment when she asked me about it a few weeks later.) At one point during our visit, he started to cry for food - how did I know? Um, my breasts ached. Seriously? I only had (literally) a few drops anymore, and they were trying to let down. I treasured that feeling - it had been so long since I'd felt it, but at the same time it saddened me. I think I spent two thirds of the visit close to tears. I was so happy for her, but so sad for me. Since then, I have gotten over the sad part. I can now visit with them without feeling like I might cry, which is nice. I get to just enjoy holding a little one and kissing his forehead.

Lord, please please please be generous to us and give us another healthy baby.