Last night I woke from an amazing dream at 4 am. I was leading choir practice at our church (nevermind that we don't have a choir) and some people were assigned particular verses to sing individually, then all would sing on the chorus. I sang my verse, and we were supposed to go into the chorus then, but I stopped, thinking I didn't know the chorus saying, "we haven't gone over it, we've just skipped to the verses." A friend from worship team (Hanson) who was there to help, gestured for the guitar, which was in a guitar-shaped well in the back cover of the lyrics book and started to play the music for it and I realized I did know the tune and words and started singing.
I feel my baby's movement for the first time, a foot in my right ribcage (IRL, I haven't definitively felt the first movement yet). I look down and can see the tiny foot with all the toes, and pull my shirt up to show some nearby people this tiny perfect foot, about 1-1/2" long. I think, with a foot that big, the baby's got to be bigger than a lime (which is what one site currently says about baby's approximate size). Then I look down at my lap, and I'm sitting in the front row of church and holding my baby (who is smallish newborn size), umbilical cord still attached (though after waking I realize it was limp and white, not pulsing and bright). I think, it's too soon, I have to put(stuff) the baby back in, so I start to stuff the umbilical cord in my pants. I get up and tell two ladies that I have to go to the hospital because I'm only 18-20 weeks pregnant. Then I feel that foot in my ribs again and I look down and it looks the same, and I think, "twins" and hold up the born baby's foot to the inside one. The born baby's foot is nearly twice as long as unborn's, and I wonder if the inside one stopped growing because it died - I have to get an ultrasound at the hospital too, to see if this one is still alive. So I walk out the door, down the front of the building to the next door, and walk in to the hospital.
I tell the lady at the desk that I have an emergency, I'm only 11 weeks pregnant (by this time I've remembered the truth) and she interupts me to start berating me: "Well, if you have your baby at home or ...(I don't remember the other thing she had a problem with) then you should call 911 for the ambulance." I cut her short, and politely say, "well it's too late for that, so could you just help me with this?" At some point I "realize" that I could have gotten pregnant with the inside baby during my pregnancy with born baby, and that would explain the size difference. The placenta for the first baby comes out while I'm in a hospital room (I think they tugged gently on it, those meddling folks - don't they know they can cause me to hemmhorage that way?!) and we wait to see if the second baby's placenta will stay firmly attached, or if it was partly atop the one that came out. I'm not really bleeding, just wipe a tissue that comes away with small streaks of blood, so the second placenta is fine. I think about how strange it is that I'll be adjusting to life with a new baby, while still waiting for the second one to be born in a few more months - and I wake up.
I went back to sleep after thinking about the dream for a little bit, and when my husband's alarm went off, I told him about it. We snuggled warmly over it, exchanging "I love you"s, and prayed for the baby and our family.
***
The part where I was so adamant about stuffing the baby back in comes, I believe, from my research into birth and some potential problems. I came across cord prolapse, where the cord presents or even comes out before the baby - it is life-threatening (at least to the baby) and requires emergency c-section. If one is at home when the cord presents, it must be stuffed back inside, to remain wet and at the right temperature; the woman must kneel with her chest on the floor, and her bottom up, and often a (partner's) hand needs to be inserted to hold the baby off the umbilical cord. She remains in that position throughout the (ambulance) ride to the hospital, and the paramedics should call the hospital to arrange for an immediate c-section. The baby's life can be saved from suffocation in this manner.
We are preparing ourselves for an Unassisted Childbirth (UC). We had discussed it last time with our boy, but as it would be hubby's first experience with birth he was not comfortable with the idea. This time, he brought it up and asked if we were doing it. We did not really talk about it much, just prayed individually and reached the same conclusion - that this was for us. Currently, we do not plan to call even any family to come for the birth, just to have ourselves and our two children. Our 11-yo daughter has volunteered to watch our 3-yo during the birth, "because I know all about birth now". She watched her younger brother's midwife-attended homebirth from the arms of a good friend. We know that God has built my body for the purpose of growing and carrying and birthing and nursing this baby, and that He will guide us. We don't go this route in ignorance - I am researching so that we are aware if a complication arises or anything goes wrong, so that we may deal properly with, for example, shoulder dystocia, or know if we need to transfer to the hospital, which is only 20 minutes away. Pregnancy and childbirth are not illnesses, they are a natural state and event which we were built for.
I love to show that the pregnant body is a beautiful thing, not something to hide in shame! I love being pregnant! I enjoy every minute of it! At the same time, I'm so excited and happy that I can't wait to really be showing, to grow and grow round, to surprise the people we only see in the warm weather with my obvious belly, to wear my bikini in the summer out on the boat with my round belly, to float in the lake to relieve the pressure of the extra weight, and ultimately to bring this beautiful child into the world - to meet him or her and nourish Ziggy at my breast. Ziggy Stardust (our womb nickname we are re-using from the boy) is due to emerge around July 14th, Bastille Day. We are not finding out the sex this time as my hubby wants the surprise on birth day.
I hope to have more wondrous dreams about our little one.
